More cleanup, more non-binary inclusion

public/gdb/societal-dysphoria.md

@@ -27,11 +27,11 @@ tweets:
 
 Gender roles exist, and as much as we may try to buck them and point out the sexism that exists, there will always be expectations placed on people for their gender. The strongest of these are in marital and parental roles; "Husband", "Wife", "Mother", "Father", these terms come with loads of baggage attached to them, and the wrong role, or even any role at all, can feel like a lead lined straight jacket. You are given a whole book full of behaviors and actions, likes and dislikes, that you are just expected to fulfill, and if you fail to meet those requirements then you are seen as a bad spouse or a bad parent.
 
-An AFAB birthing parent may experience severe dysphoria around being labeled as a mother. The vast majority of resources for birth are *extremely* female gendered, so just the very process of conceiving, carrying and giving birth is exceptionally loaded with gender expectations. If you are pregnant then you are labeled a mom, regardless of how you actually feel about your role, and with that comes a whole load of assumptions. Assumptions about caregiving, breastfeeding, and child rearing.
+An AFAB parent who gives birth may experience severe dysphoria around being labeled as a mother. The vast majority of resources for birth are *extremely* female gendered, so just the very process of conceiving, carrying, and giving birth is exceptionally loaded with gender expectations. If you are pregnant then you are labeled a mom, regardless of how you actually feel about your role, and with that comes a whole load of assumptions. Assumptions about caregiving, breastfeeding, and child rearing.
 
-[Cisgender-passing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passing_(gender)) trans feminine individuals also run into this. If you are holding an infant or tending to a child then you are labeled a mom (unless the child is mixed race, then you're demoted to nanny, but that's a whole other topic). This can be validating, because it is a sign that you've been seen as a woman, but it can also be extremely *invalidating* when cis women start to talk about what they think are shared experiences with reproductive processes.
+[Cisgender-passing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passing_(gender)) transfeminine individuals also run into this. If you are holding an infant or tending to a child then you are labeled a mom (unless the child is mixed race, then you're demoted to nanny, but that's a whole other topic). This can be validating, because it is a sign that you've been seen as a woman, but it can also be extremely *invalidating* when cis women start to talk about what they think are shared experiences with reproductive processes.
 
-Some unexpected ways that Societal Dysphoria can appear are in the need to conform to the social standards of your true gender. For example, many trans women have stories about feeling the need to cover up their chest pre-transition out of an intrinsic sense of modesty. A discomfort at swimming topless is a common trait, even when there is no understanding of ones true self; something just knows.
+Some unexpected ways that Societal Dysphoria can appear are in the need to conform to the social standards of your true gender. For example, many trans women have stories about feeling the need to cover up their chest pre-transition out of an intrinsic sense of modesty. A discomfort at swimming topless is a common trait, even when there is no understanding of one's true self; something just knows.
 
 ### Shame
 
@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@ The shame becomes especially intense at the moment of revealing themselves to be
 
 This too is a form of gender dysphoria, as these influences would not have been felt if the person had been cisgender.
 
-The other way shame comes in to play is in the systemic transphobia present in our society. Trans adults of today grew up watching transphobic media in their childhood. The transsexual obsession of the late 80s and early 90s was horrifically traumatic for trans kids of the time, watching all the adults and peers around them laugh, jeer and be disgusted by people who they not only identified with, but strongly empathized and looked up to. This shame sits with us for our entire lives; it is a fundamental reason for why so many trans people do not come out until their late 30s or later, because only when they reach mid-life are they able to overcome that shame.
+The other way shame comes in to play is in the systemic transphobia present in our society. Trans adults of today grew up watching transphobic media in their childhood. The transsexual obsession of the late 80s and early 90s was horrifically traumatic for trans kids of the time, watching all the adults and peers around them laugh and jeer at and be disgusted by people who they not only identified with, but strongly empathized and looked up to. This shame sits with us for our entire lives; it is a fundamental reason for why so many trans people do not come out until their late 30s or later, because only when they reach mid-life are they able to overcome that shame.
 
 Shame also tends to build up until it boils over into radical action. A very common aspect among trans people's histories are cycles where they will build up their presentation, fighting their feelings less and less, until suddenly they feel overcome with the shame and purge everything, vowing to never pursue those feelings again. This pattern repeats over and over again.
 
@@ -66,10 +66,10 @@ Shame also tends to build up until it boils over into radical action. A very com
 
 Societal Dysphoria *strongly* comes into play with courtship rituals. Being forced into being the boyfriend or girlfriend when you are not a boy or a girl is extremely disorienting and often feels very unfair. AMABs may find themselves wishing *they* were the one being pampered, and AFABs may become uncomfortable with the amount of attention they receive from their prospective partners (beyond the discomfort that women experience, as this includes genuine attention, not just unwanted attention). The expectations placed on them by their partners to fill these courtship roles may feel like a heavy burden to bear. By contrast, dating as your true gender becomes euphoric. Buy a trans girl flowers and see how much she swoons.
 
-A closeted trans person may feel so much pressure to conform to heterosexuality that they suppress their own instincts with regards to relationships and take on a performative role. Many a trans woman has attempted to play the role of a heterosexual husband to a wife, only to realize with transition that they are actually submissive themselves and would prefer to have a male partner. They may not even be attracted to women.
+A closeted trans person may feel so much pressure to conform to heterosexuality that they suppress their own instincts with regards to relationships and take on a performative role. Many a trans woman has attempted to play the role of a heterosexual husband to a wife, only to realize with transition that they would much prefer the role of the wife. They may not even be attracted to women.
 
 Beyond discomfort, many trans people realize that the dynamics of relationships that they have experienced simply did not fit the shape of how they appeared. Many trans people come to realize after transition that they had never actually dated like a cis person of their assigned gender, instead always having romantic relationships that fit their true orientation. Male to male and female to female relationships have completely different patterns from heterosexual relationships; different courtship rituals, different perceptions, different communication styles. Men relate differently to men than they do to women, and women to women differently than they do to men, even when they don't know they are men or women.
 
 For example, I myself realized after coming out to my wife that all of my previous dating attempts had absolutely been sapphic in nature. My first order had always been to become good friends with them. Dates would never be labeled as dates because we would just sit and talk somewhere, hanging out together. Consequently, several of my relationships ended simply because I was too scared to make the first move out of destroying the friendship. I would spend half my waking day thinking about them and wanting to be around them, not out of sexual lust, but out of personal infatuation. My first girlfriend straight up told me on our first date that I was unlike any man she'd ever dated because I enjoyed talking instead of just trying to get physical. She broke up with me two months later because I wasn't as assertive as she wanted from a partner.
 
-This all gets even more complex for non-binary people, some of whom can at best describe their dating style as Queer.
+These dynamics get even more complex for non-binary people, some of whom can at best describe their dating style as Queer. Some struggle to identify what role they play in a relationship. Others take a specific role that is typically seen as a binary gendered role. Some non-binary people wish to be seen as a boyfriend/girlfriend, even if they are not a boy/girl. Some want to play a role seen by society as neutral or consisting of aspects from both binary roles.