gdb.lgbtqi.app/public/tw/am-i-trans.md

---
date: "2020-01-26T20:41:55.827Z"
lang: "tw"
title: "我是跨嗎?"
linkTitle: "我是跨嗎?"
description: "了解最難問題的路線圖"
siblings:
  prev: /tw/impostor-syndrome
  prevCaption: 冒牌者症候群
  next: /tw/diagnoses
  nextCaption: 臨床診斷
classes:
  - gdb
preBody: '_disclaimer'
---

æææ<div class="cw"><p><strong>編者註</strong>: 以下頁面來自 Cassie LaBelle 撰寫的<a href="https://aninjusticemag.com/am-i-trans-a-roadmap-to-figuring-out-the-toughest-question-7bb0e809a32d" target="_blank" rel="noopener">一篇精彩的文章</a>（英文），並已獲得許可轉載。<a href="https://cassielabelle.medium.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">你可以在 Medium 上閱讀她更多的作品。</a>（英文）</div>æææ

<!-- # Am I Trans? -->
# 我是跨嗎？

<!-- Long before I started questioning my gender, I had this idle fantasy where one of my best lady friends would walk up to me and say, “Give it up. You’re not fooling anyone.” -->
在我開始質疑自己的性別很久以前，我就有一個無聊的幻想，我的其中一位女性好友會走到我面前說：「放棄吧。你騙不了任何人。」


<!-- If you’d confronted me about this fantasy at the time, I couldn’t have told you what, exactly, I meant by “you’re not fooling anyone.” Deep down I knew that it was probably related to gender, but my lips wouldn’t have been able to form those words. All I knew was that I was pretending to be someone I was not, in some vague, passive, and ephemeral way. -->
如果你當時問我這個幻想是什麼意思，我無法告訴你「你騙不了任何人」究竟是什麼意思。在我的內心深處，我知道這可能與性別有關，但我的嘴唇卻無法說出這些話。我只知道，我在假裝成另一個人，以一種模糊、被動和短暫的方式。


<!-- Once I self-accepted as a trans woman and started the long process of coming out, all I wanted was for someone to tell me that they already knew. “I’m so happy you figured it out,” I wanted them to gush. “I’ve known the truth for years. It was so obvious. I don’t know how anyone could have ever thought that you were a boy. I’m so happy that you’ll finally get to live as your true self now.” -->
一旦我接受自己是一名跨性別女性，並開始漫長的出櫃過程，我只希望有人告訴我，他們早就知道了。「我很高興你想通了，」我希望他們滔滔不絕地說。「我多年來一直都知道真相。這太明顯了。我不知道怎麼會有人覺得你是男的。我很高興你終於可以以真實的自我生活了。」

<!-- Nobody ever said this to me, though. My coming-out process was successful, and most of my friends were supportive, but I never got the external validation that I craved. My friends and family accepted me as trans because I told them I was trans. They hadn’t noticed that I’d spent the past two decades wearing the ill-fitting costume of a man who barely existed. -->
然而，從來沒有人對我說過這樣的話。我的出櫃過程很成功，我的大多數朋友都很支持我，但我從未得到我渴望的外在肯定。我的朋友和家人接受我作為跨性別者，是因為我告訴他們我是跨性別者。他們沒有注意到，我在過去的二十年裡一直穿著一個幾乎不存在的男人的不合身的戲服。

---

<!-- My good friend Lily coined the phrase **“Egg Prime Directive”** to describe the fact that trans people have an unspoken agreement not to tell people who are questioning their gender whether or not they are trans. -->
我的好朋友 Lily 創造了「蛋的最高指導原則」(Egg Prime Directive)這個詞，來描述跨性別者之間有一個不成文的約定，那就是不要告訴那些正在質疑自己性別的人他們是否是跨性別者。

<!-- When someone is just told they are trans, that opens ground for denial; it activates defense mechanisms built by internalized transphobia, and it has a high probability of pushing them further into the closet, if not making them outright transphobic. Even when it doesn’t, it leaves ground for their own subconscious to reject their dysphoria, claiming that they were just manipulated or deceived. -->
<!-- The much more effective strategy is to talk about your own experiences with dysphoria so that they see the common grounds and come to their own conclusion about their gender. The code doesn’t forbid helping them to explore their gender; it forbids assigning a gender to them. -->
<!-- Or, to put it more succinctly, you cannot be told what the Matrix is; you can only be shown. -->
當有人被告知自己是跨性別者時，這就為否認開闢了道路；它會啟動由內化跨性別恐懼症建立的防禦機制，並且很有可能將他們推向更深的櫃中，甚至使他們徹底成為跨性別恐懼症者。即使沒有這樣做，它也會讓他們的潛意識拒絕他們的不安，聲稱他們只是被操縱或欺騙了。
更有效的策略是談論你自己對不安的經歷，這樣他們就能看到共同點，並得出關於自己性別的結論。這個準則不禁止幫助他們探索自己的性別；它禁止為他們指定性別。
或者，更簡潔地說，你無法被告知母體(Matrix)是什麼；你只能被展示。

<!-- I’m sure there are some trans people out there who don’t follow the Egg Prime Directive, but I haven’t met them. It’s one of the only things that seems to unify the whole trans community, myself included. Even though I wanted my own external validation more than anything, I now see that true acceptance could have only come from within. The only person who can tell you that you are trans is yourself. -->
我相信有一些跨性別者不遵守蛋的最高指導原則，但我沒有遇到過他們。這是唯一一件似乎團結了整個跨性別群體的事情，包括我自己。即使我比什麼都想要我自己的外在肯定，我現在也明白，真正的接納只能來自內心。唯一能告訴你你是跨性別者的人就是你自己。

<!-- The paradox is that most closeted trans people are absolutely terrible at trusting their inner voice. When you spend your whole life with a nagging disconnect between how the world sees you and how you see yourself, it becomes easier to rely on other people to tell you “who you really are.” Even if you know deep down that all the people in your life are missing some fundamental fact about your identity, it’s nearly impossible to avoid listening to others over oneself. -->
矛盾的是，大多數未出櫃的跨性別者都非常不善於相信自己的內心聲音。當你一生都在世界如何看待你和你如何看待自己之間的持續脫節中度過時，依靠其他人來告訴你「你到底是誰」就變得更容易了。即使你內心深處知道你生活中所有的人都忽略了你身份中的一些基本事實，也很難避免聽從別人的意見而不是自己的意見。

<!-- My goal today, then, is to give you some of the information and mental framing that helped me self-accept. I can’t tell you whether or not you are transgender, but I can point you down a path that you might be able to travel down yourself. I can’t provide the answers, but I can try to give you the right questions. -->
那麼，我今天的目標是向你提供一些幫助我自我接納的資訊和思維框架。我無法告訴你你是否是跨性別者，但我可以指引你一條你可以自己走的道路。我無法提供答案，但我可以試著給你正確的問題。

æææ
<div class="gutter flex flex-end">
  <div class="card">
    <div class="card-header"><strong>為什麼我們需要蛋的最高指導原則？</strong></div>
    <div class="card-body">
æææ

<!-- It is never safe to simply tell someone that they are transgender when they haven't asked themselves, even when you are 100% certain that they are. You can educate them on gender dysphoria and you can show them parallels between their feelings and your feelings, but you *cannot* simply say to a person, "You are transgender". -->
在別人沒有問自己的情況下，直接告訴他們是跨性別者永遠是不安全的，即使你 100% 確定他們是跨性別者。你可以教他們關於性別不安的知識，你可以向他們展示他們的感受和你感受之間的相似之處，但你 *不能* 只是對一個人說：「你是跨性別」。

<!-- Why? Because most of the time they won't believe you. -->
為什麼？因為大多數時候他們不會相信你。

<!-- Internalized transphobia has indoctrinated us all to believe that it's impossible that we are trans, or that being trans is something negative and reviled. Pressures from within a person's family or from their upbringing can make it extremely hard to accept themselves. -->
內化的跨性別恐懼症讓我們所有人都相信，我們不可能是跨性別者，或者成為跨性別者是消極和令人厭惡的事情。來自個人家庭或成長環境的壓力會讓他們極難接受自己。

<!-- Trying to tell someone who isn't already questioning that you think they're transgender triggers a self-defense mechanism; their subconscious actively tries to reject the statement, and there is a high probability that the suggestion will not only push them further into the closet, but can even make them hostile towards you for making it. Many transphobes show clear evidence of fighting their own struggles with gender, and there is no shortage of trans people who [have a history of being transphobic](https://curvyandtrans.tumblr.com/post/661595258598113280/interview-with-an-ex-radfem) out of self-preservation. -->
試圖告訴一個還沒有在質疑的人你認為他們是跨性別者會觸發一種自衛機制；他們的潛意識會積極地試圖拒絕這種說法，而且這種暗示很有可能不僅會將他們推向更深的櫃中，甚至會讓他們因為你的這種說法而對你產生敵意。許多跨性別恐懼症者都表現出與自身性別鬥爭的明顯證據，而且不乏跨性別者[有過跨性別恐懼症的歷史](https://curvyandtrans.tumblr.com/post/661595258598113280/interview-with-an-ex-radfem)（英文），這是出於自我保護。

<!-- Even when the person accepts your declaration, the fact that you told them instead of letting them discover it themselves leaves an opening for their own self-conscious to instill doubt about their dysphoria and believe that the idea was suggestive, or that they were manipulated into believing they were trans. The only safe pathway forward for someone to learn they are trans is to realize it on their own. -->
即使當事人接受了你的聲明，你告訴他們而不是讓他們自己發現這一事實，也會讓他們的自我意識對他們的不安產生懷疑，並相信這個想法是暗示性的，或者他們是被操縱而相信自己是跨性別者。一個人了解自己是跨性別者的唯一安全途徑就是自己意識到這一點。

<!-- Finally, the entire purpose of being trans is self-assignment and self-actualization. Telling a person that they are trans is surely as coercive an assignment as what was done when they were born. If you want to help them figure themselves out, tell them about your life, tell them how dysphoria works, send them to this site, and give them ways to see how what they experience isn't something that cis people live with. -->
最後，身為跨性別者的全部目的就是自我指定和自我實現。告訴一個人他們是跨性別者無疑與他們出生時所做的指定一樣具有脅迫性。如果你想幫助他們了解自己，就告訴他們你的生活，告訴他們不安是如何運作的，把他們送到這個網站，並讓他們知道他們所經歷的並不是順性別者所經歷的。

<!-- Unless, of course, they ask you if you think they're trans... then the prime directive no longer applies. -->
當然，除非他們問你是否認為他們是跨……那麼最高指導原則就不再適用。

æææ
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
æææ

<!-- As always, please understand that I have no professional training in gender therapy. I am simply writing this from my own amateur research and personal experiences — mostly my own journey and conversations I’ve had with other trans women and gender questioners. Keep in mind that I am coming at this from the perspective of a fairly binary trans lady who transitioned in her early thirties, which means that I am still blind to a lot of the trans experience. Things are different for trans-masculine and non-binary people, as well as for many other trans women. This is not meant to be a universal expert guide — it’s just the best I can give you right now. -->
一如既往，請理解我沒有接受過任何性別治療的專業訓練。我只是根據我自己的業餘研究和個人經驗來寫這篇文章——主要是我的個人經歷以及我與其他跨女和性別質疑者的對話。請記住，我是從一個相當二元化的跨女的角度來看待這個問題的，她在三十出頭就開始了轉變，這意味著我仍然對許多跨性別者的經歷一無所知。跨男和非二元性別者的情況有所不同，許多其他跨女也是如此。這並不是一個普遍的專家指南——這只是我現在能給你的最好的東西。

<!-- ### Consider That Most Cis People Don’t Think About Their Gender Very Much -->
### 想想大多數順性別者不會經常思考他們的性別

<!-- If you’re already at the stage where you are questioning your gender — even if that just means looking up “Am I Trans?” and then slamming your laptop shut before you get a search result — congratulations, you’ve already thought about your gender more than most cis people will in their entire lifetimes. -->
如果你已經到了質疑自己性別的階段——即使這只是意味著搜尋「我是跨性別嗎？」，然後在得到搜尋結果之前就關上你的筆電——恭喜你，你對自己性別的思考已經超過了大多數順性別者一生的思考。

<!-- I’ve asked many of my cis friends if they’ve ever seriously thought about their gender identity, and nine times out of ten they have not. Cis people don’t constantly wonder what it would be like to be a girl. They haven’t had daydreams about how nice it would be if they woke up in a different body. Their hearts don’t race when they think about body-swap movies. Some of them may have imagined what it would be like to be in a body with a gender other than their assigned gender at birth, but those thought experiments have been brief and purely intellectual. -->
我問過我的許多順性別朋友，他們是否認真思考過自己的性別認同，十次有九次他們沒有。順性別者不會不斷地想知道成為一個女孩是什麼樣的感覺。他們沒有做過關於如果他們在不同的身體裡醒來會有多美好的白日夢。當他們想到身體交換電影時，他們的心不會怦怦直跳。他們中的一些人可能想像過，如果他們的身體性別與他們出生時指定的性別不同，那會是什麼樣子，但這些思想實驗是簡短的，而且純粹是智力上的。

<!-- There’s no *energy* there. Not for them. If you feel a weird kind of *energy* when you think about gender, that probably means something. -->
那裡沒有 *能量* 。對他們來說沒有。如果你在思考性別時感覺到一種奇怪的 *能量* ，那可能意味著什麼。


<!-- ### Consider That Most Cis People Actively Like Being The Gender They Were Assigned At Birth -->
### 想想大多數順性別者都積極地喜歡他們出生時被指定的性別

<!-- This was hard for me to believe at first, but cis people actually enjoy their gender! Cis men like being men, and cis women like being women. They don’t secretly wish they had been born a member of the “opposite” gender or a genderless being or anything else, really. As we’ve already established, they don’t think about their gender much at all. -->
起初我很難相信這一點，但順性別者實際上很享受他們的性別！順性別男性喜歡身為男性，順性別女性喜歡身為女性。他們並沒有偷偷地希望自己出生時是「異性」或無性別者，或者其他任何東西。正如我們已經確定的那樣，他們根本不怎麼思考他們的性別。

<!-- There are complications here, of course. Plenty of cis men find toxic masculinity stifling and awful, choosing to actively reject the problematic social aspects of their gender. Plenty of women are deeply frustrated by misogyny, the patriarchy, and the tyranny of classical gender roles. “Enjoying being a man” does not necessarily mean loving having to bottle up your emotions in all non-NFL situations, and “enjoying being a woman” rarely means that you love getting belittled by your male co-workers or being constantly asked, “So, when are you getting married?” -->
當然，這裡也有一些複雜的情況。很多順性別男性覺得有害的男子氣概令人窒息和可怕，選擇積極拒絕他們性別中存在問題的社會方面。很多女性對厭女症、父權制和傳統性別角色的暴政深感沮喪。「喜歡身為男人」並不一定意味著喜歡在所有沒有國家美式足球聯盟(NFL)的情況下壓抑自己的情緒，「喜歡身為女人」也很少意味著你喜歡被男同事貶低，或者不斷被問到：「那麼，你什麼時候結婚？」

<!-- Once you cut through all of that, though? Cis people still enjoy their genders. They might wish that certain aspects of how their gender is performed in society were different, but they would still choose to keep their assigned genders if swapping were on the table. Unfortunately, a lot of closeted trans people hear cis people complaining about the frustrating and problematic aspects of their gender and assume that everybody has the same low-grade dislike for their gender that they do. -->
然而，一旦你擺脫了所有這些呢？順性別者仍然享受他們的性別。他們可能會希望社會上對其性別的某些表現方式有所不同，但如果可以交換的話，他們仍然會選擇保留其指定的性別。不幸的是，很多未出櫃的跨性別者聽到順性別者抱怨他們性別中令人沮喪和有問題的方面，並認為每個人都和他們一樣，對自己的性別都有一種輕微的厭惡。

<!-- Closeted trans people also assume that “I don’t hate being a man” is the same thing as “I enjoy being a man.” I can’t tell you how many of these questioning ladies tell me some variation of “I can’t be trans because I don’t hate being a man,” and then go on to describe countless little things they dislike about being seen as male, as if their gender were a pair of wet socks that they could never quite find a way to take off. -->
未出櫃的跨性別者也認為「我不討厭身為男人」等同於「我喜歡身為男人」。我無法告訴你，有多少這樣正在質疑的女性告訴我「我不可能是跨性別者，因為我不討厭身為男人」的變體，然後繼續描述無數她們不喜歡被視為男性的小事情，就好像她們的性別是一雙濕襪子，她們永遠也找不到辦法脫下來一樣。

<!-- You might be surprised to hear that I didn’t actively hate being seen as a man before I came out to myself, either. Being seen as a guy wasn’t a constant source of misery for me. It just… was who I was, apparently, so I learned to just kind of live with it. A lot of people believe that you can only be trans if you feel actively hurt by being seen as a man, but that particular feeling won’t usually arrive until after you’ve started to transition and you finally know who you truly are. Before self-acceptance, your relationship with your assigned gender at birth is likely to feel a lot more like disconnection than distress. -->
你可能會驚訝地聽到，在我向自己出櫃之前，我並不積極地討厭被視為男人。被視為男人並不是我持續痛苦的來源。它只是……顯然就是我的身份，所以我學會了忍受它。很多人認為，只有當你因為被視為男人而感到積極地受到傷害時，你才可能是跨性別者，但那種特殊的感覺通常要等到你開始轉變，你終於知道你真正的身份後才會出現。在自我接納之前，你與你出生時被指定的性別的關係可能更像是一種脫節，而不是痛苦。

<!-- I also can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard closeted trans women say something like, “well, I don’t hate being a man, and men have lots of institutional privilege. I don’t think I’d choose to be a woman, even if I could, because I wouldn’t want to give up my male privilege.” Male privilege is a real thing, of course, but it isn’t a reward that men get for having to endure the eternal discomfort of being men. Men enjoy being men, and they would still enjoy being men without their social privileges. If the only thing you like about masculinity is male privilege, that probably means something. -->
我也無法告訴你我聽過多少次未出櫃的跨性別女性說這樣的話：「嗯，我不討厭身為男人，而且男人有很多制度上的特權。我不認為我會選擇成為女人，即使我可以，因為我不想放棄我的男性特權。」男性特權當然是真實存在的，但這並不是男人因為不得不忍受身為男人的永恆不適而得到的獎勵。男人喜歡身為男人，即使沒有社會特權，他們仍然會喜歡身為男人。如果你喜歡男性氣概的唯一原因是男性特權，那可能意味著什麼。

<!-- ### Consider That Gender Dysphoria Looks Different For Trans Women Who Haven’t Self-Accepted Yet -->
### 想想對於尚未自我接納的跨女來說，性別不安的表現形式是不同的

<!-- For years, I thought that I couldn’t be trans because I didn’t experience gender dysphoria. I was dead wrong. -->
多年來，我一直認為自己不可能是跨性別者，因為我沒有經歷過性別不安。我大錯特錯了。

<!-- One thing that kept me from realizing that I was experiencing dysphoria was the same reason that fish don’t know they’re swimming in water — it’s just what my life had always been like, so I thought being dysphoric all the time was normal human behavior. I knew that I was kind of sad and more than a little odd, and I knew that my experiences with masculinity were at least slightly gender non-conforming, but I was dealing with the pain of dysphoria every single day without having any idea what was actually going on. No matter how bad I felt, I could always come up with a good enough explanation that had nothing to do with gender. -->
有一件事讓我沒有意識到自己正在經歷不安，那就是魚不知道它們在水中游泳的原因——我的生活一直都是這樣的，所以我認為一直不安是正常的人類行為。我知道我有點悲傷，而且有點古怪，我知道我對男性氣概的經歷至少有點不符合性別規範，但我每天都在處理不安的痛苦，卻不知道實際上發生了什麼。無論我感覺多麼糟糕，我總能想出一個與性別無關的足夠好的解釋。

<!-- The other problem is that gender dysphoria manifests differently in pre-acceptance trans women than it does in post-acceptance trans women. I always thought that gender dysphoria was the distress that you get from looking in the mirror and seeing a boy starting back at you instead of a girl, but that wasn’t a feeling I actually had until I started transitioning. You can’t get distressed about not seeing a girl in the mirror until after you’ve realized you’re a girl! -->
另一個問題是，性別不安在未接納自己的跨性別女性身上的表現形式與在已接納自己的跨性別女性身上的表現形式不同。我一直認為性別不安是你照鏡子時看到的痛苦，你看到的是一個男孩而不是一個女孩，但直到我開始轉變，我才真正有這種感覺。在你意識到自己是個女孩之前，你不可能因為在鏡子裡沒有看到女孩而感到痛苦！

<!-- Before that, dysphoria manifests in dozens of other, much subtler ways. [I wrote about my experience with pre-acceptance dysphoria here, in what has become my most popular essay ever.](https://cassielabelle.medium.com/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85) I highly recommend reading it in full if you are questioning your gender. -->
在此之前，不安會以其他幾十種更微妙的方式表現出來。[我在這裡寫了我關於轉變前不安的經歷，這篇文章成為了我最受歡迎的文章。](https://cassielabelle.medium.com/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85)（英文）如果你正在質疑自己的性別，我強烈建議你完整閱讀這篇文章。

<!-- ### Consider The Null HypotheCis -->
### 考慮順性別虛無假設(Null HypotheCis)

<!-- In mathematics, a [null hypothesis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Null_hypothesis) is something that is generally assumed to be true until it is proven false. It’s a default assumption, like “innocent until proven guilty.” If you’re going to convict someone of a murder, for example, circumstantial evidence just won’t do. You generally need overwhelming physical proof, or a confession, or some other obvious sign of guilt. -->
在數學中，[虛無假設](https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E8%99%9B%E7%84%A1%E5%81%87%E8%AA%AA)是指在被證明為假之前通常被認為是真的東西。這是一個預設假設，就像「無罪推定」。例如，如果你要判定一個人犯了謀殺罪，間接證據是不夠的。你通常需要壓倒性的物理證據，或者一份供詞，或者其他一些明顯的犯罪跡象。

<!-- [This excellent article by Natalie Reed](https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) argues that being cisgender (not trans) is treated as a null hypothesis by our society. We are all assumed to be our assigned gender at birth, and we feel as if we need overwhelming evidence to prove our transness. Otherwise, we continue to assume that we are cis. -->
[Natalie Reed 的這篇優秀文章](https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/)（英文）認為，順性別（非跨性別）在我們的社會中被視為一種虛無假設。我們都被假定為出生時被指定的性別，我們覺得我們需要壓倒性的證據來證明我們的跨性別身份。否則，我們繼續假設我們是順性別者。

<!-- This makes sense in the grand scheme of things, because there are probably more cis people in the world than trans people. As we discussed earlier, however, most people who are comfortable with their gender identity aren’t doing this kind of questioning. If you’ve arrived at this stage of self-discovery, there’s a fairly high chance that you aren’t completely cis. -->
從全局來看，這是合理的，因為世界上順性別者可能比跨性別者多。然而，正如我們前面討論的那樣，大多數對自己的性別認同感到滿意的人都不會進行這種質疑。如果你已經到了自我發現的這個階段，你很有可能不是完全的順性別者。

<!-- The Null HypotheCis poses a simple and effective question: once you take your finger off the scale, how likely is it that you are trans? If you give the twin hypotheses of “I am cis” and “I am trans” equal weight, and you stop demanding that transness carry the full burden of proof, what feels right to you? If you start looking for proof of cis-ness the same way you look for proof of trans-ness, the whole illusion can sometimes come tumbling down. -->
跨性別虛無假設提出了一個簡單而有效的問題：一旦你不再偏袒，你是跨的可能性有多大？如果你給「我是順」和「我是跨」這兩個假設同等的權重，並且你不再要求跨性別身份承擔全部的舉證責任，你感覺哪個是對的？如果你開始像尋找跨性別者的證據一樣尋找順性別者的證據，整個幻覺有時就會崩潰。

<!-- ### Consider That If You Want To Be A Girl/Boy, Then You Are Already A Girl/Boy -->
### 考慮如果你想成為女孩/男孩，那麼你已經是女孩/男孩了

<!-- It really is that simple. Men want to be men, and women want to be women. If you want to be a man, then you‘re a man. If you want to be a woman, then you’re a woman. If you don’t want to be either, or you want to be both, or you want to be a woman sometimes and a man other times, then you’re probably some flavor of genderfluid or non-binary. -->
真的就是這麼簡單。男人想成為男人，女人想成為女人。如果你想成為男人，那麼你就是男人。如果你想成為女人，那麼你就是女人。如果你不想成為其中任何一個，或者你想成為兩個，或者你想有時成為女人，有時成為男人，那麼你可能是某種流性人或非二元性別者。

<!-- “But you can’t just… do that!” I hear you say. But you absolutely can just do that. In fact, this is basically the one and only question you really have to answer for yourself. If you want to be a girl and you’ve always thought of yourself as a guy, then you will probably be happier living as a girl. It’s at least worth taking some steps to see if transitioning will bring you happiness, right? -->
「但是你不能只是……這樣做！」我聽到你說。但你絕對可以這樣做。事實上，這基本上是你真正必須為自己回答的唯一問題。如果你想成為一個女孩，而你一直認為自己是一個男孩，那麼你以女孩的身份生活可能會更快樂。至少值得採取一些步驟，看看轉變是否會給你帶來快樂，對吧？

<!-- ### Consider That Doubting Yourself Does Not Invalidate Your Possible Trans-ness -->
### 考慮自我懷疑並不能否定你可能的跨性別身份

<!-- For years — decades, even — I “knew” that I wasn’t trans because “real” trans people are supposed to have an unshakable certainty in their own identity. I internalized this fictional image of a young trans woman demanding that everyone treat her like the woman she is, defiant in the face of oppression. -->
多年來——甚至是幾十年——我「知道」我不是跨性別者，因為「真正的」跨性別者應該對自己的身份有不可動搖的把握。我內化了這個虛構的年輕跨性別女性的形象，她要求每個人都像對待女人一樣對待她，在面對壓迫時毫不畏懼。

<!-- This is what being trans was like, I thought; bravery, courage, and absolute unwavering certainty in your identity. That wasn’t me, so I couldn’t be trans! -->
我以為，這就是身為跨性別者的樣子；勇敢、有勇氣，以及對自己身份的絕對堅定不移的把握。那不是我，所以我不可能是跨性別者！

<!-- As it turns out, very few actual trans people feel this way before transition. Instead, we nearly all start out our journeys awash in self-doubt. That unwavering certainty does usually come, in time, but it can take months or years of self-acceptance as well as (in my case, at least) further validation in the form of hormone therapy and social transition. -->
事實證明，很少有真正的跨性別者在轉變前有這種感覺。相反，我們幾乎都是在一開始的旅程中充滿了自我懷疑。隨著時間的推移，這種堅定不移的把握確實會出現，但它可能需要幾個月或幾年的自我接納，以及（至少在我的情況下）激素治療和社會轉變形式的進一步驗證。

<!-- But at the start, we nearly all feel like our gender is a confusing mess. We feel like we can’t possibly be trans enough to claim a queer identity, and we definitely don’t feel trans enough to transition. We worry that we are making the wrong decision, that we are overreacting, that stepping outside of our little cocoon of self-preservation is liable to be the biggest mistake we could ever make in our life. -->
但在開始的時候，我們幾乎都覺得自己的性別是一團糟。我們覺得我們不可能跨到足以聲稱自己是一個酷兒身份，而且我們絕對不覺得自己跨到足以轉變。我們擔心我們正在做出錯誤的決定，我們反應過度，走出我們小小的自我保護的繭可能是我們一生中所能犯下的最大錯誤。


<!-- If you feel all of this stuff, you’re in good company. My therapist even jokes that asking “am I trans enough?” is so common that it’s practically a symptom of being trans. You cannot figure out your gender identity without questioning it, and self-doubt is a normal part of that process. -->
如果你有所有這些感覺，那麼你並不孤單。我的治療師甚至開玩笑說，「我夠跨嗎？」這個問題太常見了，以至於它實際上是身為跨性別者的一種症狀。你不可能在沒有質疑的情況下弄清楚你的性別認同，而自我懷疑是這個過程中的正常組成部分。

<!-- ### Consider That Your Trans Journey Might Not Fit The Accepted, Popular Narrative -->
### 考慮你的跨性別旅程可能不符合公認的流行敘事

<!-- Popular culture has basically decided that there’s only one transfeminine story worth telling. It’s the story of a young trans girl who figures out her identity at a very young age. Even in childhood, she gravitates toward dolls and tea parties. She tries on her older sister’s dresses and begs her mom to buy her make-up and jewelry. She basically always looks like a girl, too — feminine facial features, short stature, thin and androgynous. If she doesn’t transition in childhood or adolescence, then she’ll still somehow make it to adulthood still looking more or less like a woman. She crossdresses all the time, and might even be a drag queen. She is also probably attracted to men, and might have worked a spell as a sex worker. -->
流行文化基本上已經決定，只有一個跨性別女性的故事值得講。這是一個年輕的跨性別女孩在很小的時候就發現自己身份的故事。即使在童年時期，她也喜歡洋娃娃和茶會。她試穿姐姐的裙子，並乞求媽媽給她買化妝品和首飾。她也基本上總是看起來像個女孩——女性化的面部特徵、矮小的身材、苗條而中性。如果她沒有在童年或青春期轉變，那麼她仍然會以某種方式成年，並且仍然或多或少地看起來像個女人。她總是穿異性服裝，甚至可能是一個變裝皇后。她也許會被男人吸引，而且可能做過一段時間的性工作者。

<!-- This is a valid and common trans narrative. I know many girls who have experienced some or all of these tropes. There’s a reason why this story is told over and over again, after all. -->
這是一個合理且常見的跨性別敘事。我知道很多女孩都經歷過這些比喻中的一些或全部。畢竟，這個故事被一遍又一遍地講是有原因的。

<!-- That said, the vast majority of trans women I know are nothing like this. Many of them had classically male childhoods, complete with toy cars, video games, and NERF guns. Many of them never cross-dressed at all, and felt somewhat repulsed by drag culture. Many of them grew up with large bodies, broad shoulders, and bushy beards. Many of them aren’t attracted to men at all, while others are bi or pansexual. Many of them did not begin seriously questioning their gender until their late twenties or early thirties. Many have no “signs” of being trans in their past. They simply spent their entire lives accepting that they were men, and that was that. Until it wasn’t. -->
話雖如此，我認識的絕大多數跨女都不是這樣的。她們中的許多人都有典型的男性童年，包括玩具車、電子遊戲和 NERF 槍。她們中的許多人從未穿過異性服裝，並且對變裝文化感到有些反感。她們中的許多人長大後身材高大、肩膀寬闊、鬍鬚濃密。她們中的許多人根本不喜歡男人，而其他人則是雙或泛性戀。她們中的許多人直到二十多歲或三十出頭才開始認真質疑自己的性別。許多人在過去沒有任何身為跨性別者的「跡象」。她們只是花了一輩子的時間接受她們是男人，僅此而已。直到她們不再是男人。

<!-- This is a common trans narrative, but nobody really talks about it. Trans women like this — like me — have only really started to open up about our stories in the past few years. Before that? The only story you heard was the one I chronicled above. That’s why that trans narrative seems “right” and this one seems “wrong.” -->
這是一個常見的跨性別敘事，但卻沒有人真正談論它。像我這樣的跨性別女性在過去幾年中才真正開始公開講述我們的故事。在那之前呢？你聽到的唯一故事就是我上面記錄的那個。這就是為什麼那個跨性別敘事看起來「對」，而這個看起來「錯」。

<!-- But girls like us are incredibly common. [This scientific study from 2003](https://web.archive.org/web/20220222143959/http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm) (warning for dated language if you read it) chronicles the observations of a researcher who spent decades working with trans women. In her experience, there are three distinct groups of trans women, two of which follow the “I’ve always known” path I chronicled above, and one of which does not. According to her, “Group Three” trans women have classically male childhoods, tend not to show the normal signs of being trans, and tend to come out later in life. While some of them cross-dress, many do not, choosing to deal with their dysphoria in more subtle and internal ways. I can’t tell you how validated I felt reading that paper during my questioning phase, realizing that there were so many other trans women out there just like me. -->
但是像我們這樣的女孩非常普遍。[2003 年的這項科學研究](https://web.archive.org/web/20220222143959/http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm)（英文）（如果你閱讀它，請注意過時的語言）記錄了一位研究人員的觀察結果，她花了數十年時間與跨女一起工作。根據她的經驗，跨女有三種不同的群體，其中兩種遵循我上面記錄的「我一直都知道」的道路，而另一種則不遵循。據她所說，「第三組」跨女有典型的男性童年，往往沒有表現出身為跨性別者的正常跡象，並且往往在以後的生活中才出櫃。雖然她們中的一些人會穿異性服裝，但許多人不會，他們選擇以更微妙和內在的方式來處理他們的不安。我無法告訴你在我質疑的階段閱讀那篇論文時，我感到多麼的被肯定，我意識到有這麼多其他的跨性別女性和我一樣。

<!-- I also believe that more trans women like us are coming out now because there’s so much more representation and so many more resources. In 1991, 2001, even 2011, the path to transition was much more difficult, and most people didn’t know any openly trans people. In this world, the only people who chose to transition were those for whom not doing so was just about impossible. -->
我也相信，現在有更多像我們這樣的跨性別女性出櫃了，因為現在有更多的代表性和更多的資源。在 1991 年、2001 年，甚至是 2011 年，轉變的道路要困難得多，而且大多數人都不認識公開的跨性別者。在這個世界上，只有那些幾乎不可能不轉變的人才會選擇轉變。

<!-- It isn’t just easier to question your gender here in 2021; it’s easier to gain access to trans communities, hormones, and other crucial resources. If I’d been born thirty years earlier, I might not have transitioned at all. If I’d been born thirty years later, I’d probably have transitioned as a teenager. Don’t worry about whether or not you’ve “always known” if this is the first time you’ve ever had the freedom and resources to truly ask yourself this question. -->
在 2021 年的今天，質疑自己的性別不僅更容易了；也更容易獲得跨性別社群、賀爾蒙和其他關鍵資源。如果我早出生三十年，我可能根本就不會轉變。如果我晚出生三十年，我可能在青少年時期就轉變了。如果這是你第一次有自由和資源真正問自己這個問題，不要擔心你是否「一直都知道」。

<!-- ### Consider That The Things Keeping You From Self-Acceptance Might Have Nothing To Do With Your Identity -->
### 考慮那些阻止你自我接納的事情可能與你的身份無關

<!-- Whenever I’m talking to a questioning trans woman, the conversation eventually turns to the obstacles that she might face if she chooses to transition. “I worry that I’m too tall/large/hairy/ugly to transition” is a pretty common fear. “I worry that my family will disown me/my partner will leave me” is another worry I hear a lot. Other girls are really worried about their career, education, or college situation. Many fear that they simply can’t handle the medical bills for HRT or trans surgeries. -->
每當我和一個正在質疑的跨性別女性交談時，話題最終都會轉到如果她選擇轉變可能會面臨的障礙。「我擔心我太高/太胖/毛髮太多/太醜而無法轉變」是一種相當普遍的恐懼。「我擔心我的家人會與我斷絕關係/我的伴侶會離開我」是另一個我經常聽到的擔憂。其他女孩真的很擔心她們的職業、教育或大學狀況。許多人擔心她們根本無法負擔 HRT 或跨性別手術的醫療費用。

<!-- Everyone — everyone — doubts that they have the fortitude to deal with socially transitioning. Coming out to friends, wearing women’s clothing, dealing with transphobia… it’s a terrifying mess, especially for closeted trans women, who usually feel pretty short on resilience as it is. The whole thing can seem chronically overwhelming. -->
每個人——每個人——都懷疑自己是否有毅力來應對社會轉變。向朋友出櫃、穿女裝、應對跨性別恐懼症……這是一件可怕的事情，尤其是對於未出櫃的跨女來說，她們通常覺得自己的韌性很差。整件事看起來會讓人慢曼的被壓倒。

<!-- These fears often manifest in the form of self-gatekeeping. “I’m afraid that I will never be a pretty girl” turns into “I can’t be trans, because what if I’m not pretty enough after I transition?” This seems somewhat silly in a vacuum, but pre-acceptance trans girls will sometimes do anything to convince themselves that they aren’t actually trans. I definitely thought that I wasn’t trans because I simply couldn’t imagine actually taking HRT and dressing like a woman every day. That was something that brave people did, not people like me, so I couldn’t be trans! -->
這些恐懼通常表現為自我設限的形式。「我擔心我永遠不會成為一個漂亮的女孩」變成了「我不可能是跨，因為如果我轉變後不夠漂亮怎麼辦？」這單獨來看有點愚蠢，但轉變前的跨性別女孩有時會做任何事情來說服自己，她們實際上不是跨性別者。我絕對認為我不是跨性別，因為我根本無法想像實際服用 HRT 並每天穿得像個女人。那是勇敢的人做的事情，而不是像我這樣的人，所以我不可能是跨性別！

<!-- Why do we do this to ourselves? I think it’s all about self-protection. We know that transition is incredibly difficult, and so we will try literally everything else in the world before we’re even willing to start facing the “am I trans?” question. We develop really strong self-protective voices that push back hard against the truth because then we don’t have to worry about the terror of what comes next. -->
為什麼我們要這樣對待自己？我認為這都是為了自我保護。我們知道轉變是非常困難的，所以在我們願意開始面對「我是跨嗎？」這個問題之前，我們會嘗試世界上所有其他的事情。我們會發展出非常強烈的自我保護的聲音，強烈反對真相，因為這樣我們就不必擔心接下來會發生的恐怖事情。

<!-- Here’s the thing, though: even if you are trans, you don’t actually have to do anything about it. While I highly recommend transitioning, it’s definitely possible to self-accept and then just… do nothing. Keep your name, your pronouns, your life as it is. Or you can just change a few things, and enjoy those little pings of gender euphoria where you can. -->
然而，問題是：即使你是跨性別者，你實際上也不必做任何事情。雖然我強烈建議轉變，但絕對有可能自我接納，然後……什麼也不做。保留你的名字、你的代詞、你的生活原樣。或者你可以只改變一些事情，並享受那些你能感受到的微小的性別欣快感。

<!-- The important thing to remember is that the truth of your identity is separate from all of the hopes and fears you have about transitioning. If you’re a girl on the inside, it doesn’t matter what you look like. It doesn’t matter what your family thinks of you. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have the means or even the desire to medically transition. Identity is a mental and spiritual thing, separate from all of this. If you’re a girl, you’re a girl. -->
重要的是要記住，你的身份的真相與你對轉變的所有希望和恐懼是分開的。如果你內心是一個女孩，你的長相如何並不重要。你的家人對你的看法並不重要。你是否有能力或甚至是否有意願進行醫療轉變並不重要。身份認同是一種精神和靈魂上的東西，與所有這些都無關。如果你是個女孩，你就是個女孩。

<!-- So start there. Figure out who you ARE, regardless of what you do about it. -->
所以從那裡開始。弄清楚你是 *誰*，不管你怎麼做。

<!-- Whenever I talk to a questioning trans woman who is stuck on this stuff, I always try to factor out these social factors as best I can. I’ll ask hypothetical questions like this: -->
每當我和一個被這些事情困擾的正在質疑的跨女交談時，我總是盡可能地排除這些社會因素。我會問這樣的假設性問題：

<!-- You are given a magical button that will permanently swap your gender, giving you an “opposite-gendered” body that is equivalent to your own in age, fitness, and attractiveness. If you press the button, everybody in your life will have always known you as a girl. They will accept you immediately. You will not lose your partner, your job, or your family. Do you press it? -->
你得到一個神奇的按鈕，它可以永久地改變你的性別，給你一個與你年齡、健康狀況和吸引力相當的「異性」身體。如果你按下這個按鈕，你生命中的每個人都會一直把你當成女孩。他們會立即接受你。你不會失去你的伴侶、你的工作或你的家人。你會按下它嗎？

<!-- Cis people would not even consider pressing this button, by the way. If you know deep down that you’d press it but are still afraid to self-accept as trans, then your sticking point probably has more to do with your fear of transitioning than it does with your true identity. -->
順便說一下，順性別者根本不會考慮按下這個按鈕。如果你內心深處知道你會按下它，但仍然害怕承認自己是跨性別者，那麼你的癥結可能更多地與你對轉變的恐懼有關，而不是與你真正的身份有關。

<!-- ### Consider That It’s Rarely “Just A Fetish.” -->
### 考慮它很少「只是種戀物癖」

<!-- I cannot tell you how many trans people — including me — began exploring their gender feelings in the realm of sexual fantasy. -->
我無法告訴你，有多少跨性別者——包括我——開始在性幻想的領域探索他們的性別感受。

<!-- There are many different ways for this to manifest: gender-play with partners, enjoying transformation-related drawings, reading stories about boys who are turned into girls, or role-playing gender transformation fantasies with partners on online forums or messaging apps. There’s so much of this stuff out there, and a lot of the people who enjoy it are closeted trans women like I was. -->
有很多不同的表現方式：與伴侶進行性別遊戲、喜歡與變身相關的圖畫、閱讀關於男孩變成女孩的故事，或者在線上論壇或通訊應用程式上與伴侶角色扮演性別變身幻想。有很多這樣的東西，而且很多喜歡它的人都是像我一樣未出櫃的跨性別女性。

<!-- This makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Sex is one of the few realms of human experience where it’s safe to explore gender without having to face larger questions about identity. It’s extremely possible to separate these two things in your head for years and years and years. You’re just a man who occasionally likes to fantasize about being turned into a woman. That doesn’t mean you’re trans! -->
仔細想想，這就很有道理了。性是人類經驗中為數不多的可以安全探索性別而不必面對更大的身份認同問題的領域之一。在你的腦海中將這兩件事分開很多很多年是極有可能的。你只是一個偶爾喜歡幻想自己變成女人的男人。這並不意味著你是跨！

<!-- Unfortunately, exploring gender this way can actually make self-acceptance harder for many trans women. While I found this sort of sexual exploration absolutely necessary in my pre-self-acceptance days, it also meant that I was able to write off my intrusive gender thoughts or daydreams as “just a fetish.” I treated them as something hidden and shameful instead of something to investigate further. -->
不幸的是，以這種方式探索性別實際上會讓許多跨性別女性更難自我接納。雖然我發現在我自我接納之前的日子裡，這種性探索是絕對必要的，但這也意味著我能夠將我侵入性的性別想法或白日夢視為「只是種戀物癖」。我把它們當作隱藏的、可恥的東西，而不是進一步研究的東西。

<!-- This issue is further complicated by the term “autogynephilia,” a bogus transphobic “theory” posited by a crank psychologist named Ray Blanchard. Autogynephilia posits that many people who self-identify as trans women aren’t actually women at all, but are instead creepy men who are turned on by the idea of being a woman or having a vagina. According to Blanchard, their entire transition is just an elaborate fetish game that they’re forcing the world to participate in. -->
「自體女性戀物癖」(AG) 這個詞彙使這個問題進一步複雜化，這是一個由一個名叫布蘭查德(Ray Blanchard) 的古怪心理學家提出的虛假的跨性別恐懼症「理論」。自體女性戀物癖認為，許多自認為是跨性別女性的人實際上根本不是女性，而是令人毛骨悚然的男人，他們被成為女人或擁有陰道的想法所激發。根據布蘭查德的說法，她們的整個轉變只是一個精心製作的戀物癖遊戲，她們正在強迫世界參與其中。

<!-- I want to be clear, here: autogynephilia is bullshit. [It has been discredited by actual scientists and researchers many, many times.](https://juliaserano.medium.com/making-sense-of-autogynephilia-debates-73d9051e88d3) The entire point of this theory, as far as I can tell, was to try and get cis people to start viewing trans women as male sex predators. Thankfully, most cis people don’t feel this way, and most of them haven’t heard of Blanchard or autogynephilia at all. -->
在這裡，我想說清楚：自體女性戀物癖是胡說八道。[它已被真正的科學家和研究人員多次駁斥。](https://juliaserano.medium.com/making-sense-of-autogynephilia-debates-73d9051e88d3)（英文）據我所知，這個理論的全部意義在於試圖讓順性別者開始將跨女視為男性性掠食者。值得慶幸的是，大多數順性別者並不這麼認為，而且他們中的大多數人根本沒有聽說過布蘭查德或自體女性戀物癖。

<!-- Unfortunately, a lot of closeted trans women come across this stuff as they’re questioning and think, “oh, do I just have autogynephilia? Maybe I’m not actually trans.” This is doubly true for trans women who have spent a lot of time expressing their gender feelings in sexual spaces, especially if they feel sexually aroused by the idea of becoming a woman. -->
不幸的是，很多未出櫃的跨性別女性在質疑時會遇到這些東西，並想：「哦，我只是 AG 嗎？也許我實際上不是跨。」對於那些花了很多時間在性空間表達性別感受的跨性別女性來說，尤其如此，尤其是如果她們因為成為女人的想法而感到性興奮的話。

<!-- While this feeling of arousal is too complex to fully unpack in this tiny section of a much longer essay, I will say that this feeling is really common early on but it tends to fade as your transition progresses. Some of it has to do with the fact that if you tie gender euphoria to sexual arousal for long enough, one will express partially as the other. Some of it also has to do with the fact that being seen as your true gender, or experiencing sexual pleasure as your true gender, feels fucking terrific. Either way, it’s not “just a fetish” if your feelings go deeper than pure sexual arousal. -->
雖然這種興奮的感覺太複雜了，無法在這篇長文中的一小部分中完全闡述，但我要說的是，這種感覺在早期真的很常見，但隨著你的轉變進展，它往往會消失。其中一部分與這樣一個事實有關：如果你將性別欣快感與性興奮聯繫在一起足夠長的時間，其中一個就會部分地表現為另一個。另一部分也與這樣一個事實有關：被視為你真正的性別，或以你真正的性別體驗性快感，感覺非常棒。無論如何，如果你的感覺比單純的性興奮更深層次，那就不「只是一種戀物癖」。

<!-- ### Consider The Broad Umbrella of Trans Identities -->
### 考慮跨性別身份的廣泛範圍

<!-- If you haven’t spent a lot of time in a community with openly queer people, you might not have fully internalized just how many different ways there are to both experience and express your gender. -->
如果你沒有在一個公開的酷兒群體中待過很長時間，你可能沒有完全內化有多少不同的方式來體驗和表達你的性別。

<!-- The wider world makes it seem like the “man” box and the “woman” box are two entirely different things with a massive gulf of emptiness between them, but that’s not really true. There are a roughly infinite number of ways to express gender, both inside and outside those boxes, and your gender might be somewhere in that undefined space. I am a fairly binary trans woman, and I like being inside the girl box, but my conception of gender as well as how I choose to express it are often entirely different from other people who are also in the girl box. -->
更廣闊的世界讓人覺得「男人」的框框和「女人」的框框是兩個完全不同的東西，它們之間有著巨大的空隙，但這並不是真的。在這些框框的內部和外部，都有無限多種表達性別的方式，而你的性別可能就在那個未定義的空間中的某個地方。我是一個相當二元化的跨性別女性，我喜歡待在女孩的框框裡，但我對性別的概念以及我選擇如何表達它的方式通常與其他也在女孩框框裡的人完全不同。

<!-- There is no right way to be trans. Some trans people change their presentation but don’t change their pronouns. Some trans people change their name and pronouns but don’t change their presentation. Some trans people are okay living as their assigned gender at birth as long as they know who they are on the inside. -->
沒有正確的方式成為跨性別者。一些跨性別者改變了他們的表現方式，但沒有改變他們的代詞。一些跨性別者改變了他們的名字和代詞，但沒有改變他們的表現方式。一些跨性別者可以接受以他們出生時被指定的性別生活，只要他們知道自己內心是誰。

<!-- Many trans people don’t opt for gender affirming surgeries or hormones. Many trans people use a different name and different pronouns depending on how they’d like to be seen in a given situation. Many trans people simply forge a relationship to gender that is slightly askew from cisnormativity, plant their flag, and call it a day. -->
許多跨性別者不選擇性別肯定手術或賀爾蒙。許多跨性別者根據他們在特定情況下希望如何被看待而使用不同的名字和不同的代詞。許多跨性別者只是與性別建立一種略微偏離順性別規範的關係，插上他們的旗幟，然後就這樣了。

<!-- Many trans people set out to transition one way, and ultimately realize that their identity better matches with something that they couldn’t have even begun to see when their process started. -->
許多跨性別者一開始就以一種方式轉變，但最終意識到，當他們的過程開始時，他們的身份與他們根本無法看到的東西更匹配。

<!-- All of this is valid, and my goal by including all this stuff here is to take the pressure off. It’s harder to accept yourself as trans if you feel like self-acceptance is going to come with a whole new set of impossible expectations. In truth, one of the great joys of being trans is realizing that you are actually free from all of these narrow ideas about what gender can and cannot be. -->
所有這些都是合理的，我把所有這些東西都包含在這裡的目的是為了減輕壓力。如果你覺得自我接納會伴隨著一系列新的不可能的期望，那麼就更難接受自己作為跨性別者。事實上，身為跨性別者的最大樂趣之一就是意識到，你實際上擺脫了所有這些關於性別可以是什麼和不可以是什麼的狹隘觀念。

<!-- No matter what you decide about your gender, the important thing is to be true to yourself. This sounds cheesy, but giving yourself permission to be honest about what does and does not bring you joy in terms of gender and gender presentation can be an explicitly radical act. This journey might lead you toward more comfort in your assigned gender at birth, or toward some sort of non-binary or gender-fluid identity, or perhaps you will come join me over here in the girl box (we have cupcakes!). -->
無論你對你的性別做出什麼決定，重要的是要忠於你自己。這聽起來很俗氣，但在性別和性別表現方面，允許自己誠實地對待什麼會給你帶來快樂，什麼不會給你帶來快樂，可以說是一種明確的激進行為。這段旅程可能會讓你對你出生時被指定的性別感到更舒適，或者走向某種非二元性別或流性身份，或者你會來加入我這邊的女孩框框（我們有紙子蛋糕！）。

<!-- Whatever you choose, do it because it helps you feel more like yourself. -->
無論你選擇什麼，都要去做，因為它能幫助你感覺更像你自己。

<!-- ### Consider That Transition Is Less About Discovering A Single Metaphysical Truth And More About Doing What Makes You Happy -->
### 考慮轉變不是發現一個單一的形上學真理，而是做讓你快樂的事情

<!-- One sticking point I come across a lot when I talk to questioning trans women is that they’ve paralyzed themselves with fear and are unwilling to act until they’ve solved the equation at the center of themselves and completely and fully accepted that they are, without a doubt, 100% trans. -->
當我和正在質疑的跨性別女性交談時，我經常遇到的一個癥結是，她們因恐懼而癱瘓，不願採取行動，直到她們解開了自身中心的方程式，並完全充分地接受她們毫無疑問地 100% 是跨性別者。

<!-- Unfortunately, this is pretty much impossible to do, especially before you’ve taken any actions toward affirming your gender. There’s no blood test or brain scan that can confirm trans-ness, so you will never have unequivocal proof. I can’t tell you how many girls have messaged me weeks or months into their self-acceptance and said things like, “hey, so I actually had a good day today presenting as male. Does that mean that I’m not actually trans?” -->
不幸的是，這幾乎是不可能做到的，尤其是在你沒有採取任何肯定你性別的行動之前。沒有血液檢查或大腦掃描可以證實跨性別身份，所以你永遠不會有明確的證據。我無法告訴你，有多少女孩在自我接納幾周或幾個月後給我發訊息說：「嘿，所以我今天以男性的身份出現時，實際上過得很好。這是否意味著我實際上不是跨性別者？」

<!-- (To answer: nope! I’ve had plenty of good days in boy-mode. I’m still a girl.) -->
（回答：不是！我在男孩模式下有很多美好的日子。我仍然是一個女孩。）

<!-- To that end, it’s worth keeping in mind that you are not a puzzle to be solved. You do not have to perform an exact taxonomic classification of your own gender. You’re just a human with your own complex set of needs, desires, dreams, goals, fears, triggers, and a whole mess of everything else. You are a contradictory, complex, illogical being who contains vast multitudes. -->
為此，值得記住的是，你不是一個需要解決的謎題。你不必對你自己的性別進行精確的分類學分類。你只是一個人，有著自己複雜的需求、慾望、夢想、目標、恐懼、觸發因素，以及一大堆其他的東西。你是一個矛盾的、複雜的、不合邏輯的、包含著眾多事物的個體。

<!-- This is kind of scary, but hopefully it’s also somewhat freeing. There’s no “proper” timeline to your transition. No list of things that you absolutely have to do. You can keep your name, or change it. You can get gender confirmation surgery, or you can keep what you’ve got. You can wear dresses every day, or you can leave them all for me. Some trans ladies have been dressing like women since they were old enough to buy clothes, but I didn’t once wear a full femme outfit until I was already three months into HRT. There are no rules. They were all made up by people who have been dead for hundreds of years. -->
這有點可怕，但也許也有些許的解放。你的轉變沒有「合適的」時間表。沒有你絕對必須要做的事情的清單。你可以保留你的名字，或者改變它。你可以做性別確認手術，或者你可以保留你現有的東西。你可以每天都穿裙子，或者你可以把它們都留給我。有些跨性別女性從她們會買衣服開始就穿得像女人，但我直到 HRT 三個月後才第一次穿全套女性服裝。沒有規則。它們都是幾百年前就去世的人編造出來的。

<!-- You also don’t have to commit to anything right away. Transition isn’t one giant leap into the abyss — it’s a series of small, willing steps. All of the early steps are easily reversible, and you never have to do anything that you don’t think will help make your life better. If you keep your eyes on your feet, you’ll cross the chasm before you know it. -->
你也不必馬上承諾任何事情。轉變不是一次巨大的跳躍到深淵——而是一系列小的、自願的步驟。所有早期的步驟都是很容易逆轉的，你不必做任何你認為不會讓你的生活變得更好的事情。如果你把目光放在腳下，你會在不知不覺中跨越鴻溝。

<!-- I like to recommend that people who are questioning their gender pick one or two small things and try them out instead of being stuck in their head all day, waiting for more evidence to present itself. Shave your arms, your legs, or your chest. Get some nail polish. Buy a piece of female clothing. Make an “alt” account on social media with a female name and she/her pronouns and engage with the digital world as a girl. Tell a trusted friend or two that you are questioning your gender, and ask them to call you by a different name/pronouns in private to see how it feels. Even the first few months of HRT are easily reversed, if you want to see how your mind works on estrogen. -->
我喜歡建議那些正在質疑自己性別的人選擇一兩件小事並嘗試一下，而不是整天困在自己的腦海裡，等待更多證據的出現。刮掉你的手毛、腿毛或胸毛。塗指甲油。買一件女裝。在社交媒體上建立一個帶有女性名字和她/她的代詞的「小號」，並以女孩的身份與數位世界互動。告訴一兩個值得信賴的朋友你正在質疑你的性別，並請他們私下裡用不同的名字/代詞稱呼你，看看感覺如何。即使是 HRT 的前幾個月也很容易逆轉，如果你想看看你的大腦對雌激素的反應如何。

<!-- While some of these steps are probably going to make you feel overwhelmed — heck, you might feel overwhelmed just thinking about them — you might also feel a few pings of absolute bliss somewhere in the process. Little moments of “oh, oh, OH, I like this, this feels good!!” -->
雖然其中一些步驟可能會讓你感到不知所措——哎呀，你可能只是想想它們就感到不知所措——但你也可能會在這個過程中感受到一些絕對的幸福。一些「哦，哦，哦，我喜歡這個，這感覺很好！！」的時刻。

<!-- That’s gender euphoria, and it’s a sign that you’re proceeding in the right direction. If you follow those feelings, wherever they take you, I guarantee you it will lead to so much happiness and joy. -->
這就是性別欣快感，這表明你正朝著正確的方向前進。如果你追隨這些感覺，無論它們帶你去哪裡，我保證它會帶來如此多的幸福和快樂。