GenderDysphoria.fyi/public/tw/societal-dysphoria.md

---
date: "2020-01-26T20:41:55.827Z"
lang: "tw"
title: "性別不安的體現: 社會不安"
linkTitle: "社會不安"
description: "因為角色就是角色，代價就是代價，扮演錯誤的角色是要付出沉重代價的。"
preBody: '_disclaimer'
siblings:
  prev: /tw/social-dysphoria
  prevCaption: 社交不安
  next: /tw/sexual-dysphoria
  nextCaption: 性慾不安
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---

<!-- # Societal Dysphoria -->

# 社會不安

<!-- Gender roles exist, and, as much as we may try to buck them and point out the sexism that exists, there will always be expectations placed on people for their gender. The strongest of these are in marital and parental roles; "Husband", "Wife", "Mother", "Father", these terms come with loads of baggage attached to them, and the wrong role, or even any role at all, can feel like a lead-lined straitjacket. You are given a whole book full of behaviors and actions, likes and dislikes, that you are just expected to fulfill, and if you fail to meet those requirements then you are seen as a bad spouse or a bad parent. -->

性別角色確實存在，無論我們多麼努力地反抗它們並指出存在的性別歧視，人們總是會面臨基於性別的期望。這些期望在婚姻和親子角色中表現得尤為強烈；「丈夫」、「妻子」、「母親」、「父親」，這些詞彙都帶有大量的包袱，扮演錯誤的角色，或者甚至扮演任何角色，都可能讓人感覺像是穿著鉛衣的緊身衣般難以喘息。你會被賦予一整本關於行為舉止、喜好厭惡的規範，而你被期望去履行它們，如果你沒有達到這些要求，你就會被視為一個糟糕的配偶或糟糕的父母。

<!-- An AFAB parent who gives birth may experience severe dysphoria around being labeled as a mother. The vast majority of resources for birth are *extremely* female-gendered, so just the very process of conceiving,  carrying, and giving birth is exceptionally loaded with gender expectations. If you are pregnant then you are labeled a mom, regardless of how you actually feel about your role, and with that comes a whole load of assumptions — assumptions about caregiving, breastfeeding, and child-rearing. -->

出生時指定性別為女性(AFAB) 家長在生產後，可能會因為被貼上「母親」的標籤而經歷嚴重的不安感。絕大多數的生產資源都 *非常* 女性化，因此，從受孕、懷胎到分娩的整個過程都充滿了性別期望。如果你懷孕了，那麼你就會被貼上媽媽的標籤，無論你對自己的角色實際感受如何，伴隨而來的就是一大堆的臆測——關於照顧、母乳餵養和育兒的臆測。

<!-- [Cisgender-passing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passing_(gender)) transfeminine individuals also run into this. If you are holding an infant or tending to a child then you are labeled a mom (unless the child is mixed race, in which case you're demoted to nanny, but that's a whole other topic). This can be validating, because it is a sign that you've been seen as a woman, but it can also be extremely *invalidating* when cis women start to talk about what they think are shared experiences with reproductive processes. -->

[順性別 pass](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passing_(gender)) 即使是看起來像順性別女性的跨性別女性也會遇到這種情況。如果你抱著一個嬰兒或照顧一個小孩，你就會被貼上媽媽的標籤（除非孩子是混血兒，在這種情況下你會被降級為保姆，但那是另一個話題）。這可能是一種肯定，因為這表明你已被視為女性，但當順性別女性開始談論她們認為與你共享的生殖過程經歷時，這也可能讓你感到極度 *不被認同*。

<!-- Some unexpected ways that societal dysphoria can appear are in the need to conform to the social standards of your true gender. For example, many trans women have stories about feeling the need to cover up their chest pre-transition out of an intrinsic sense of modesty. A discomfort at swimming topless is a common trait, even when there is no understanding of one's true self; something just knows. -->

社會不安也可能以一些意想不到的方式出現，例如需要符合真實性別的社會規範。舉例來說，許多跨性別女性都有這樣的經歷：在尚未變性之前，她們會感受到一種發自內心的需要遮蓋自己的胸部。即使在還不了解真實自我的情況下，對裸露上身游泳感到不適也是一種常見的特徵；某些東西就是本能地知道。

<!-- ### Shame -->

### 羞恥感

<!-- Failure to live up to these roles can manifest *intensely* as shame and humiliation. Growing up closeted and struggling to fit into common gender tropes often results in signs of disappointment from parents and peers who expected otherwise. A father may be disappointed that their AMAB child isn't willing to engage in sports or other masculine activities. Female peers may demonstrate disapproval of an AFAB teenager choosing to hang out with a male social circle. Teen boys may ostracize an AMAB trans person who doesn't join in with their humor. -->

未能符合這些角色的期望會 *強烈地* 表現為羞恥感和屈辱感。在封閉的環境中成長，並努力適應常見的性別刻板印象，往往會導致父母和同儕的失望，因為他們原本期待的是另一種樣子。一位父親可能會對出生指定性別男性(AMAB)的孩子不願意參加體育運動或其他男性化的活動感到失望。女性同儕可能會對一位出生指定性別女性(AFAB)的青少年選擇與男性社交圈相處表示不滿。青少年男孩可能會排斥一個不參與他們幽默的 AMAB 跨性別者。


<!-- These kinds of situations can lead to bullying and abuse, pushing the trans person to feel isolated, alone, and out of place. This sense of division then creates feelings of shame for failing to be the person everyone expects them to be. This then manifests as depression on top of other dysphoria, compounding their pain. -->

這類情況可能導致霸凌和虐待，使跨性別者感到孤立、孤獨和格格不入。這種分裂感會產生羞恥感，因為他們沒有成為大家期望的那個人。這種羞恥感接著會在其他不安之上表現為抑鬱，加劇他們的痛苦。


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<!-- The shame becomes especially intense at the moment of revealing themselves to be trans. Transphobic friends and family having negative (sometimes even violent) reactions to a trans person coming out of the closet converts that shame into extreme guilt and disgrace. An adult trans person in a marriage may feel a tremendous amount of remorse at upending their spouse's life by revealing themselves. They may expect reproach from their neighbors and peers, and fear how that will affect their spouse and/or children. -->

在揭露自己跨性別身份的那一刻，羞恥感會變得格外強烈。跨性別恐懼的朋友和家人對跨性別者出櫃的負面反應（有時甚至是暴力反應）會將這種羞恥感轉化為極度的內疚和恥辱。已婚的成年跨性別者可能會因為揭露自己的身份而打亂配偶的生活，因而感到極大的悔恨。他們可能會預期到鄰居和同儕的責備，並擔心這會如何影響他們的配偶和/或孩子。

<!-- This too is a form of gender dysphoria, as these influences would not have been felt if the person had been cisgender. -->

這也是一種性別不安，因為如果這個人是順性別者，就不會感受到這些影響。

<!-- The other way shame comes into play is in the systemic transphobia present in our society. Trans adults of today grew up watching transphobic media in their childhood. The transsexual obsession of the late 80s and early 90s was horrifically traumatic for trans kids of the time, watching all the adults and peers around them laugh and jeer at and be disgusted by people whom they not only identified with but strongly empathized with and looked up to. This shame sits with us for our entire lives; it is a fundamental reason for why so many trans people do not come out until their late 30s or later, because only when they reach mid-life are they able to overcome that shame. -->

羞恥感產生的另一種方式是我們社會中系統性的跨性別恐懼症。今天的跨性別成年人在童年時期都看過跨性別恐懼症的媒體內容。80 年代末和 90 年代初對變性的痴迷對於當時的跨性別兒童來說是一種可怕的創傷，他們看著周圍所有的成年人和同儕嘲笑、奚落和厭惡那些他們不僅認同，而且強烈同情和仰慕的人。這種羞恥感伴隨著我們一生；這是為什麼這麼多跨性別者直到 30 多歲後期或更晚才出櫃的根本原因，因為只有當他們到了中年，他們才能克服這種羞恥感。

<!-- Shame also tends to build up until it boils over into radical action. A very common aspect among trans people's histories are cycles where they will build up their presentation, fighting their feelings less and less, until suddenly they feel overcome with shame and purge everything, vowing to never pursue those feelings again. This pattern repeats over and over again. -->

羞恥感也往往會累積，直到爆發成激烈的行動。跨性別者經歷中一個非常普遍的方面是循環模式：他們會逐步建立自己的外在形象，越來越少壓抑自己的感受，直到突然感到被羞恥感淹沒，然後清除一切，發誓再也不去追求這些感受。這種模式會反覆出現。

<!-- ### Dating and Romantic Relationships -->

### 約會和戀愛關係

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<!-- Societal dysphoria *strongly* comes into play with courtship rituals. Being forced into being the boyfriend or girlfriend when you are not a boy or a girl is extremely disorienting and often feels very unfair. AMABs may find themselves wishing *they* were the one being pampered, and AFABs may become uncomfortable with the amount of attention they receive from their prospective partners (beyond the discomfort that women experience, as this includes genuine attention, not just unwanted attention). The expectations placed on them by their partners to fill these courtship roles may feel like a heavy burden to bear. By contrast, dating as your true gender becomes euphoric. Buy a trans girl flowers and see how much she swoons. -->

社會不安在求偶儀式中 *強烈地* 發揮作用。當你不是男孩或女孩時，被迫成為男朋友或女朋友會讓人非常迷惘，而且常常感到很不公平。出生指定性別男性(AMAB)可能會希望被呵護的是 *他們*，而出生指定性別女性(AFAB)可能會因為潛在伴侶對他們的過多關注而感到不舒服（這超越了女性經歷的不適，因為這包含了真正的關注，而不僅僅是不必要的關注）。伴侶期望他們扮演這些求偶角色可能會讓他們感到沉重的負擔。相比之下，以真實的性別約會會讓人感到愉悅。買花送給一位跨性別女孩，看看她有多麼欣喜若狂。

<!-- A closeted trans person may feel so much pressure to conform to heterosexuality that they suppress their own instincts with regards to relationships and take on a performative role. Many a trans woman has attempted to play the role of a heterosexual husband to a wife, only to realize with transition that they would much prefer the role of the wife. They may not even be attracted to women. -->

一位尚未出櫃的跨性別者可能會感受到巨大的壓力，要他們順從異性戀的規範，以至於他們壓抑自己在人際關係方面的本能，並扮演一個矯飾的角色。許多跨性別女性曾試圖扮演異性戀丈夫的角色，卻在變性後意識到她們更喜歡妻子的角色。她們甚至可能根本不喜歡女性。

<!-- Beyond discomfort, many trans people realize that the dynamics of relationships that they have experienced simply did not fit the shape of how they appeared. Many trans people come to realize after transition that they had never actually dated like a cis person of their assigned gender, instead always having romantic relationships that fit their true orientation. Male to male and female to female relationships have completely different patterns from heterosexual relationships; different courtship rituals, different perceptions, different communication styles. Men relate differently to men than they do to women, and women to women differently than they do to men, even when they don't know they are men or women. -->

除了不適之外，許多跨性別者意識到，他們所經歷的關係動態根本不符合他們外在形象的樣貌。許多跨性別者在變性後才意識到，他們從未像順性別者那樣約會過，他們的戀愛關係總是符合他們真正的性傾向。男男關係和女女關係與異性戀關係有著完全不同的模式；不同的求偶儀式、不同的認知和不同的溝通方式。即使不知道自己是男性或女性，男性與男性的相處方式與與女性的相處方式不同，女性與女性的相處方式與與男性的相處方式也不同。

<!-- For example, I myself realized after coming out to my wife that all of my previous dating attempts had absolutely been sapphic in nature. My first order had always been to become good friends with them. Dates would never be labeled as dates because we would just sit and talk somewhere, hanging out together. Consequently, several of my relationships ended simply because I was too scared to make the first move out of destroying the friendship. I would spend half my waking day thinking about them and wanting to be around them, not out of sexual lust, but out of personal infatuation. My first girlfriend straight up told me on our first date that I was unlike any man she'd ever dated because I enjoyed talking instead of just trying to get physical. She broke up with me two months later because I wasn't as assertive as she wanted from a partner. -->

例如，我自己在向妻子出櫃後才意識到，我以前所有的約會嘗試都完全是女同性戀性質的。我的首要任務始終是與她們成為好朋友。約會從未被稱為約會，因為我們只是找個地方坐下來聊天，一起出去玩。因此，我的幾段戀情都以失敗告終，原因很簡單，我太害怕採取主動，怕破壞友誼。我會花一半醒著的時間想著她們，想要和她們在一起，不是出於性慾，而是出於個人的迷戀。我的第一個女朋友在我們的第一次約會時就直接告訴我，我不像她約會過的任何男人，因為我喜歡聊天，而不是只想著肢體接觸。兩個月後，她和我分手了，因為我不像她期望的伴侶那樣果斷。

<!-- These dynamics get even more complex for non-binary people, some of whom can at best describe their dating style as queer. Some struggle to identify what role they play in a relationship. Others take a specific role that is typically seen as a binary gendered role. Some non-binary people wish to be seen as a boyfriend/girlfriend even if they are not a boy/girl. Some want to play a role seen by society as neutral or consisting of aspects from both binary roles. -->

對於非二元性別者來說，這些動態更加複雜，他們中的一些人最多只能將自己的約會風格描述為酷兒。有些人難以確定自己在一段關係中扮演的角色。另一些人則扮演特定的角色，這些角色通常被視為二元性別角色。一些非二元性別者希望被視為男朋友/女朋友，即使他們不是男孩/女孩。有些人想要扮演一個在社會上被視為中性或包含兩種二元性別角色特徵的角色。